Jax woke up alone in bed. The feeling of emptiness rang through his arms. Mina had to work early. He normally felt her leave in the morning but he was exhausted last night. He inhaled her pillow, taking in the scent of her hair as a small smile crept onto his lips. He knew he had to get up and find his boys. Things needed to be cleared up with Tara.
After taking a hot shower and making himself some coffee, he headed out the door. Before anything, he wanted to go visit Opie’s grave. It’d been a little while since he’d stopped by, but he had a lot to think about. Since losing Op, he’d thought he’d lost his way – the way of the club, but then Mina came along and became his best friend out of nowhere. It was like Op had been looking out for him even from above. He’d started seeing things so clearly since she’d been around. He was sure it was Opie’s doing. He’d told him before how that gavel destroys the man holding it – and it had for a while, but with her by his side, the right decisions seemed to keep rolling along.
He filled Opie in on everything going on with him, the club, life. Told him all about Mina, how much he wished he’d gotten the chance to meet her. He’d love him. But then he took a moment to write in his journal. A memoir of his own he’d been keeping for his sons. He wanted them to know about him and the reasons he did the things he did.
“There are lessons to be found here, but mostly, I do this so you can know me. Lately, as I write these, I realize they are as much for me as they are for you. This is the one place I can be completely open. The pen and paper has no judgement. No vote. It simply receives my truth and allows me to turn the page. And today…this is my truth. I am terrified a great deal of the time. Afraid of what I’ve done, of what I’m doing, and of what I might have to do. It’s not a crippling fear. In fact, just the opposite. I thrive on it. I crave it. I need that rush of terror to get me out of bed in the morning. It’s in my DNA. I have tremendous remorse for the acts of violence I’ve committed, both planned and spontaneous. But I think what brings me the most sorrow is that I’ve learned to justify this behaviour. I always find a reason, a cause, a need that allows me the karmic lubrication to stuff my guilt into it’s savage compartment. I’ve become the thing… the one I hated. And with that awareness comes periods of days, sometimes weeks, when I have to avoid looking into a mirror. My self-hate is so deep, so palpable, I feel I’ll lunge at my own image, shatter the glass and cut myself with shards of broken reflection. Since my best friend was killed I thought I had lost my center. Op was always my pull back to true north. For a long while, my sense of doubt and fraudulence bark so loudly in my head that most of the time, I couldn’t hear anything else. Love, camaraderie, freedom… all the things I want from this life are lost in the din. Forgive my indulgence, sons. But today may be a day we both remember. A defining day. And I want you to look back at this entry and know that at the very least, your father was completely honest. So you know I speak the truth when I tell you that you are the most important thing to me. I will never hurt you. Never abandon you. I love you, Abel. I love you, Thomas. More than anything or anyone. I always will. Everything I do is for my sons.”
The bells chimed at the shop and Mina walked to the front to see who it was. Her face went serious when she saw Gemma looking around. A sly look on the older woman’s face, irritated Mina but she greeted her anyway. “ What can I do for you, Gemma?”
Gemma nodded her head over to an empty table as Mina walked closer. “Give me a minute?” Mina nodded, letting Rachel know to handle the register before walking over to the table with Gemma. The Queen sat down across from her, leaning forward with her hands together on the table. “I need you to talk some sense into Jax.”
The younger woman leaned back in her seat looking perplexed. “Regarding?”
“Those boys. They belong here with their family in Charming.” Gemma pushed on.
“I can’t do that. I think he’s making the right decision letting Tara take them out, Gemma. This isn’t a safe place for those kids.” Mina shook her head glaring back at the woman across whose eyes were shooting daggers at her.
“That bitch is NOT leaving here with MY boys! She’s been trying to take Jax away for years and now she’s taken them!” Gemma’ voice got progressively higher.
“Their boys. Not yours.” Mina shot back oddly defensive over them.
Gemma’s eyes narrowed at Mina.”You heard from him today?”
“No. He was still sleeping when I left for work. Hasn’t called me all day.” Mina shrugged and leaned back in her seat.
Gemma scoffed as her eyes burned into the young brunette. “And you don’t think to worry? My son is the president of the Sons. Lotta men out there either want him dead or in prison.”
With a small laugh, Mina leaned forward. “You come in here just to fight Gem?”
“I don’t like this shit you have with Jax. You’re messin’ with his head – making him forget who he is.”
“And who is he Gemma? I see the way you push him away from Tara. He told me everything about you. Your past with her. With Wendy. You raised that man to be the husband you wanted in your life once John died. Made him replace all the love you felt you deserved. To take his place as man of the house. Forced him to grow up before his time. It’s disgusting what you do to keep him under your control. You’ve done nothing but poison his life. I know exactly why you don’t like me and I not going to let you get him in deeper shit than he already is.” Mina slammed her hands on the table as she walked back behind the counter leaving Gemma stunned and livid.
Jax pulled into the spot across the street from Scoops, he saw Mina leaning against the wall outside of the coffee shop smoking a cigarette. A small smile came across his face as he walked over to her, pulling the cigarette out of her mouth before leaning in to kiss her. She smiled into the kiss as he pulled away taking a pull of smoke.
“Hey you.” She smiled taking her cigarette back, taking a pull of her own.
“How’s work been babe?” He blew out his smoke, leaning next to her on the wall.
She turned her head towards him, blowing her smoke out to the side. “Pretty intense. You get your head clear?”
He nodded and looked towards the shop where he saw his mom talking to juice. “Yeah. I’m going to call chapel. Find out what went on yesterday. What they know. You’re coming with me when I find her right?”
She nodded her head, “Yeah. Just let me know. Go ahead, I need to head back inside.” She leaned up, kissing his lips softly, “Stay safe babe.”
He kissed her back and let his hands linger on her hip for a moment before letting her go inside and walking across the street.
“Hey babe” Gemma spoke up as he walked behind the counter grabbing something to drink. “Where you been?”
“Just ridin’ mostly.” He took a sip and leaned back on the counter. “I’m okay.”
She leaned forward on the counter, watching him. “You hear anything?” Jax shook his head no and Juice let him know everyone was upstairs. He asked his mom about Nero before they heard a car door shut with Roosevelt and Paterson walking inside. “Are you kidding me?” The older woman spoke up again. “I’m about to go catfight on a colored girl.”
“Mom, not today.” Jax shook his head as the rest of the guys came downstairs.
“We should talk, Jackson.” Patterson looked around the room before looking at him.
Jax nodded and walked over giving Gemma a kiss on the cheek, whispering “Tell Nero I’ll see him at Diosa.” With a nod, his mother walked past Patterson, mumbling something when the DA tried to greet her.
He shook his head when Patterson spoke up again. “We can’t choose our family, right?”
“What do you want?” He cut to the chase.
The woman told Roosevelt that she wanted to talk to Teller alone and while he left she looked over at the rest of the club who were still standing there. Jax gave them a nod to go back upstairs and walked over to a booth.
“Our ties seem to be getting deeper.” She started.
“How’s that?” Jax asked as he moved his ring around on his finger.
She put her hands together in front of her, staring hard at him. “Do you know where your wife is?”
“She took the boys. Little retreat.” He said dryly not breaking eye contact.
“Where too?” She pushed on.
“Why do you care?”
“We had a meeting. She missed it.” Patterson stepped closer, moving to sit across from him at the booth. “I’m just trying to find out if we’re going to reschedule.”
“When I see her, I’ll let her know” He shrugged with a shake of his head.
She let her eyes wander the shop for a moment, thinking of how to approach him. “Do you ever struggle with your need to be a good man?”
Jax looked down for a minute, thinking of how to answer. He shook his head, returning his eyes to her. “I struggle with all my needs. Just like everybody else.”
She pursed her lips and nodded. “Mm. My guess is you struggle with it everyday. What you are, crashing into who you are.”
Not feeling like dealing with a lecture, he lifted his head back still looking at her. “Are we done?”
Patterson leaned forward onto her elbows. “I know how much you love Tara. And I see how deeply she loves you. Betrayal is a very intense feeling. One that can only be matched by the maternal instinct of a mother protecting her young.”
His eyes narrowed and his voice lowered. “I don’t need a lesson in family feelings. If you have something to say, then say it.”
Looking the man up and down, she let out a small chuckle. “ Whatever decisions happen here today… the outcome lands on you. Are you willing to let your family pay the price for your mistakes? Is that what a good man would do? Because if that happens, I promise you, son, it’s going to destroy you, and everything else you love. And that’s not the law in me talking, that’s the flawed mother who made a lot of mistakes.” She watched his eyes narrow before starting heatedly back into hers. “You’re a husband, and a father, and a man before all of this. Own your place.”
As she got up to leave, Jax stared into the table. It all sounded like what Mina’s been telling him – no, letting him see for himself. He had already come to his decision, but if she had ratted, it was a club vote.
After Church, they’d figured out she’d gotten a new lawyer. Juice and Bobby were supposed to find him and follow him to see if he lead them to Tara. Church was interrupted by Chucky letting them know Alvarez was outside. The two walked side by side down the street with Alvarez letting him know the Mayans were unhappy with the change of hands with the gun dealings. He noticed Alvarez’s eyes kept leaving his to something else and when he followed the man’s gaze it lead straight to Mina who was on the phone outside of her shop. Jax immediately tensed up in anger but for the sake of business kept as calm as he could.
Mina was his. As soon as everything got taken care of with Tara, she would have his crow. Make it known to everyone. The club knew to take care of her – hell they loved her just as much as he did, but outsiders need to know. He finished up with Alvarez and saw that Mina had gone back inside so he headed back to Scoops, filling in the club quickly on what the Mayans wanted. Happy got the phone call from Juice saying they’d found Tara and told Jax.
Before they left he had to see Mina, taking Tig with him, the men crossed the street and entered the shop seeing Mina taking filling orders behind the counter. An easy smile made it’s unexpected way across his face as he watched her hard at work. He left Tig at the door and walked over to the counter, leaning his arms over it. “Babe, you got a minute?”
Mina smiled seeing the two men. She met eyes with Jax and her smile grew. “Yeah. Head to my office I’ll be there in a sec.” He nodded and did as told while she finished up. He wandered around her office and smiled. She’d already made it like home.
“What’s going on?” She asked walking inside and shutting the door behind them.
He took her face in his hands, giving her a soft kiss, smiling against them as her full lips pressed back against his. “We found her. You ready to go?”
“Shit.” She pulled back slightly and shook her head. “Rachel just left on her break. Why don’t you guys get going and I’ll meet you over there?”
His face scrunched into a frown and he nodded. “Yeah, I’m leaving Tig with you. He’ll know where to go.”
Mina took his hands in hers lacing their fingers together. She brought them up to her lips giving both hands a gently kiss, keeping her eyes on his. “Please be good Jax. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”
He nodded, listening to her words as he watched her kiss his hand. “I love you.”
She smiled and pushed him out the door. “I love you too.”
“Daddy!” Abel squealed in happiness as he ran into his fathers arms while the men approached the table Tara and Thomas were seated.
Jax lifted his boy up with a smile while his cold eyes looked at Tara. “Hey buddy.”
“Oh my god.” Tara mumbled in fear as she stood to face the men, clenching Thomas tightly in her arms.
Bobby and Happy took Abel back to the playground as Jax approached Tara, taking Thomas out of her tightening grip. He held the toddler against him, pressing a kiss into his cheek before turning his attention to her. “Sit down.” He commanded in a low, dangerous tone.
She sat down immediately and he handed Thomas to Juice before sitting down across from her, holding his hands together on the table in front of him.
“What are you going to do?” She asked quietly in a trembling voice.
Trying to get ahold of his anger, he spoke slowly. “I just need to talk to you.” After a moment of silence he continued. “I know you think you need to do this but I can’t let you. You know that.”
“Please don’t .. hurt me.. in front of the kids.” she pleaded quietly.
Shaking his head, a look of hurt became visible on his face. As angry and betrayed he had felt, the fact that she still thought he would hurt her in anyway hurt him. “That’s not what I want.”
“But that’s all there is.” She looked over Juice playing with her son and shook her head. “There is no other ending.” She turned her head to see Abel playing with Happy on the slide as tears left her eyes. “I.. I have sacrificed everything for you. I have tried to see what you see, how you see it but I cant. All I see are the lies and the violence, and how it’s changed you. Turned you into a monster.” She covered her mouth as the words left, staring blankly at the ground. Jax’s eyes filled with tears of his own but his anger and hurt wouldn’t dare let them fall. “I’ll die if I have to. At least I know I tried to save them from becoming what you are.”
He shook his head “I never forced my life on you. You came back to me.” He spoke between clenched teeth, staring at her coldly. “ You’re part of what I am, Tara. You always have been.”
A small smile appeared on her face as his voice softened, before shaking it off to wipe her tears. “That was my mistake. Thinking our love, our bond, was stronger than the pull of your..history, but it’s not. You were going to pull them out of this remember? You were going to break the cycle. I know the turmoil you live with, Jax. I feel the pain you wake up with everyday. And now you condemn your sons to the same torture? They will suffer with this.” He lowered his head as she began to cry harder. “Can you let me say goodbye to them before you take me?”
He lifted his eyes to meet her even more hurt than before. Taking her hand in his, she tried to fight it, but he held on. “ I’m not… going to hurt you. I’m not going to hurt them. I had signed those papers with Lowen, Tara. Before I found out about any of this. You don’t have to run. Not anymore.”
“What am i supposed to do?” she asked dumbfounded.
“Just be a good mother. Save our boys. Please.” She nodded at him speechlessly as an eased look came across his face.
They had called Patterson to meet at Tara’s motel room. When the DA arrived with Roosevelt and another man, she was shocked to find Jax there with her.
“We need to speak with you.” She turned to face Roosevelt and the other man. “Alone, please.”
Patterson stared at Jax for a moment before turning to the men, “Uh.. give us a minute.” She shut the door as they stepped out and turned to face the two. “What is this?”
“This is me owning my place.” Jax began. “Now lets talk about our deal.”
Mina left as soon as Rachel came back. She knew how hard this was going to be for Jax and needed to get there as soon as she could. She had spent the better part of the hour nervously cleaning and talking to Tig to calm her nerves. She couldn’t figure out why she was so anxious. Maybe it was because she wanted Jax to do the right thing. Or maybe it was because in the back of her mind she knew the love he had for her. Having the two of them alone, taking things out, didn’t seem so comforting in hindsight. She’d really put her trust in Jax. He’d become her best friend very quickly and she’d fallen deeper than even planned.
She followed Tig to a motel parking lot. Stepping out of the car, she saw Tig just as confused when they spotted a black SUV and a cop car driving away. They walked over to Chibs who was outside on his bike. They noticed his expression change to seriousness when Mina approached.
“What’s going on, brother?” Tig asked, looking a little worried.
Mina noticed the look Chibs shot the crazy haired man and raised an eyebrow as the scotsman threw an arm around her shoulder, leading her back towards the car. “What?” She asked, noticing a softened look of pity from the man as they walked.
“Look, lass, it’s best you get back to the shop.” He spoke lowly.
Mina froze in her tracks, watching as Chibs avoided eye contact. “Where’s Jax?” she asked with a lump in her throat. Her eyes shot from him to the door his bike was parked in front of.
“He has… uh.. he’s..” Chibs hesitated, finally meeting her eyes.
She felt her stomach drop as the pity came through in his eyes. Looking down so she could wipe the tears forming in her eyes she shook her head. This is exactly what she thought would happen. And worse. She’d been the one to push him back to her. She handled it like she knew best, getting rid of all feeling and replacing it with anger. Walking away from Chibs, she got in her car and stepped on the gas, flying out of the lot.
Chibs sighed as he walked back to Tig who’d witnessed the whole thing. “There goes a good one.” Tig mumbled as Chibs nodded in agreement.
Jax and Patterson had gone over there deal and how it would work with Tara. After some back and forth they’d come to agree that Galen would be prosecuted as soon as he recovered and the charges against Tara would be dropped. Once, Patterson was gone, Jax turned to Tara who was sitting on the bed smiling gratefully at him.
“Thank you.” She stood up as he went to move closer to her.
“I love you Tara. And I love my boys. You’re free to take them anywhere you want. To keep them safe.” He spoke looking down at her with his hands in his pockets.
She placed her hands on his chest, looking up into his eyes. “I love you, too.”
He looked down into her eyes and couldn’t help himself. Running his hands up her arms, giving them a gentle squeeze, she’d leaned up closer to him and he leaned in kissing her deeply. As she pressed back against him, he pulled away, seeing Mina’s hurt face. He couldn’t do this to her. He couldn’t hurt her like that.
“What is it, Jax?” Tara looked up concerned.
He shook his head, running his hands through his hair. “I can’t do this. Things between us are done. I can’t get past what you did. I can’t do this to the one person who’s been there for me. The only reason the club didn’t kill you. I have to go, I’ll meet you at the house later today.”
Jax walked outside and was caught off guard when he saw Tig but didn’t see Mina’s car. Walking up to them he noticed them both giving him a disappointed look. “Where’s Mina?” He asked Tig.
“She left brother, didn’t feel like wasting her time.” Chibs answered for him.
The blondes face scrunched in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Come on, brother.” Tig spoke up. “You and Tara. You think Mina would put up with that?”
“Nothing happened between Tara and I!” He yelled between the two of them. “Where is she?!”
Chibs shrugged. “We don’t know, Jackie. She took off. We need to get to the shop, let everyone know what happened. You need to let her go, brother. She’s been through to much already to deal with this.”
Jax felt his stomach turn. Mina thought he’d cheated on her. His own brothers thought he’d do that to her. Fuck! He felt his heart speed up as he started to panick. He needed Mina like he needed air. Fuck what the guys had to say, he picked up his phone to call her only to have the call sent straight to voicemail.
After taking a long drive, Mina returned home. Tear stains down her face, she ignored her phone ringing off the hook as she ran upstairs. She saw a stack of boxes her sister had left for her earlier in the day and rolled her eyes walking into the kitchen pulling out a glass and a bottle of wine. Sitting on the counter to drink away another failure.
How could she have let herself get in this position. She knew who he was. Hell the first time he’d been over he’d told her about how he was cheating on his wife with an escort. She took a large sip and leaned her head back on a cabinet. She needed to leave. Her sister had sold the house anyway. Maybe it’d come at the right time. She took the bottle with her to the living room and stared at the boxes. Fuck Jax. Fuck letting anyone else in.
She grabbed a box and walked over the the kitchen, pulling out items to pack. A few hours later she’d sat down on her couch when she’d noticed her phone light up again with a new voicemail. Putting the phone up to her ear, she heard Jax’s distraught voice. He’d been crying and at first she rolled her eyes but then she listened to what he’d been saying. Tara had been attacked at his house and was now at the hospital. He was scared. He pleaded for her to call him back. Said that he needed her. But could she handle going there? It wasn’t any of her business. He wasn’t her problem he was Tara’s. But the need in his voice had a pull on her.
I love this story!!!!! I keep waiting anxiously for every update!!!!! You’re a fantastic writer !
Thank you so much love! It’s my favorite one, I’m so glad you like it ?
Please update soon!!
Please update soon! I love this!