Seth
I left the arena that night to the dirtiest looks I’ve ever encountered throughout my entire career. It was bad two weeks ago when I left the Shield. It was worse when I cost Hazel the title. Now it was on a whole new level. The booing of the crowd still echoed in my ears but the silence from my peers was more than deafening. Hunter warned me about the hate I would get. He said once I became champion they’d have no choice but to accept me. All of this would blow over and I would be people’s champ. For now I just had to bare it.
The sound of Arizona crickets filled my hotel room as I laid awake in bed. A streetlight lit my room and I stared at the shadows it cast on the ceiling. It was hot, but the heat wasn’t keeping what kept me up. It was the guilt eating me alive.
I’d gone through every form of social media only to end up scrolling through my camera roll. Her blue eyes looked back at me with each and every swipe. There were pictures of us at the gym. Pictures of us during our European tour. Pictures of us kissing. Of us playing around. Of us lounging on the couch. Pictures of her and Kevin. I’d spent such a large part of my life with this person.
The last picture pulled at my heart. It was the picture of a diamond ring I was looking at for her. I’d sent it to my mom to get her opinion on it. I texted her the picture and went to the gym only to find my phone buzzing repeatedly with phone calls and text messages until I answered. It was the happiest I’d ever seen my mom.
I’d gotten the opposite reaction from her last week. When she saw what I did to Hazel, I’m not to proud to admit that she ripped me a new one. Last time my mom had yelled at me the way, I was seven and disappeared to a friend’s house without letting her know. The police were called. The whole neighborhood was on alert. When I came home her relief washed off quickly and was replaced with pure anger. I felt exactly like that seven year old again and this time, there was no easy fix.
Against my better judgement, I dialed Hazel’s number. I hadn’t spoken to her since last week but I felt the need to see how she was doing before she went into surgery. It wasn’t an easy thing for anyone and knowing how much depended on it, she was probably lying awake trying to tame her anxiety.
After she left the building during RAW a camera man had gone around to record video messages from all of the Superstars wishing her a quick recovery and keeping her in their prayers. Hunter told me it would be beside the point to film one. He said it would show her that she still has a hold on me and she’d use it against me.
I believed it. She always did fight dirty.
I knew I shouldn’t feel the way I was feeling. I should hate her for abandoning me, but the guilt inside was too much. I had caused her to get hurt. I was the reason she was getting surgery. I may have ended her career. She deserved to pay for turning on me, but nobody deserved a career ending injury.
I was living in misery. Everytime I closed my eyes, all I could see was her helplessness in the ring when it happened. The way she looked at me chilled me to my very core. It was like in that moment she was just as broken mentally as she was physically and I was the reason.
“Hello?” A voice came through the phone but it wasn’t Hazel.
“Laurie.” I sighed, checking to make sure I dialed the right number. “Is Hazel there?”
“Who’s this?” She replied, “Seth?”
“Yeah.”
“Oooh, you have some nerve calling her phone. Are you out of your fucking mind?” I could hear footsteps from her end of the line before it sounded like a door opened and closed.
“I know. I just -”
“You just nothing. You’re lucky I’m the one that answered the call. How dare you even think you have any right to dial this number? Do you have any idea the severity of the damage you’ve caused? No. You don’t – ”
“Laurie, where is she?” I asked, cutting off her rant in a firmer voice. “I know she’s due for surgery in a few hours.”
“Listen here, sweetheart. Don’t you dare use that tone with me. You may intimidate people in the ring, but you’ve fucked with my daughter in the worst way. You’re lucky I have yet to see you in person cause I’d tear you limb from limb. Hazel finally got some sleep. I pray your mother never has to go through something like this with you. Lose this number, asshole.”
The line clicked and I sighed, lowering the phone from my ear. I don’t know what I expected from Laurie but that was it. I had no doubt she’d tear me apart if she saw me. I’d done my best to avoid her during all of this. It was probably for the best that she answered anyway. I probably would’ve stressed Hazel out more.
…
“Hi.” I said quietly so I could hear what was going on in the background.
It was around 7:15 in Phoenix and I’d laid awake all night. I hadn’t gotten any sleep. Hazel was going into surgery at 9:30 in Birmingham. I’d found out from my dad that my mom was in Birmingham with Hazel. I’d just talked to her the day before and she hadn’t mentioned a word about going with her.
“Seth?” Mom’s voice came through the line. “What’s going on?”
“I – uh – I was just calling to see what you were up to.”
I could tell by the sound of her voice that she knew why I was calling. I’d barely spoken to her in the last week. Aside from the day she cussed me out, the rest of the time it was short conversations just to check in.
“I’m at the hospital.” She replied. I knew she didn’t want to give any more information but eventually did after a moment of silence. “They’re doing the last minute prep before they take her in.”
“How is she?”
“She’s putting on a brave face. The camera crew played her a video of everyone sending their best, you know – the one you didn’t take part in. That put a smile on her face for a little while, but other than that, it’s been tough to get a read on her with all the cameramen around.”
“Oh.” I nodded recalling the fact that her surgery would be documented for the WWE network. “Who’s there with her?”
“I am. Laurie is.” She replied. “Her dad. Lita should be here by the time she’s in recovery. The Hardy’s are in town. Dean and Renee are coming tonight. Galina’s here.”
Damn. Everyone was showing up.
“How long is the surgery?”
“A few hours. Look I gotta go. They’re taking her in.” She said, then hung up the phone.
Putting the phone down, I sat up in the hotel bed. The right side, where she usually slept, still neatly tucked in place. I had the urge to fly out there but I knew she wouldn’t want to see me. After all, I was dead to her.
It was for the best that way. I couldn’t start a solo career being held down. I needed to soar. I needed to get to the gym and get my head in the game. Next Monday, all of this would be in the past and I would have my moment.
Hazel
The familiar coarseness of a calloused hand brushed against my cheek. I smiled at the feel and leaned into it, reveling in the comfort it was meant to provide. Disappointment hit once I opened my eyes to see that it wasn’t who I’d hoped.
Mom sat beside my hospital bed in the recovery unit with Holly. Jeff stood next to her. He offered a smile and brushed his hand back through my hair as gently as possible, waiting patiently for me to come too.
I raised my arm to rub my eyes only to feel a tug from the IV still hooked into me. “Hey.” I managed to get out through a hoarse voice. “Is it done?”
“It’s all done, baby.” Mom replied, grabbing a cup of ice water from the table and putting the straw up to my lips.
I’d had to fast since the night before and couldn’t even have water 4 hours before the surgery. This water tasted like liquid gold at this point.
Jeff laughed lightly at my rushed sips and mom put the cup down once I was done.
“Where’s Seth?” I asked, slightly more refreshed but the drugs still in the process of wearing off.
Everyone looked at each other confused before Holly stepped forward with a soft smile. “He’s not here sweetie.”
Of course he wasn’t here. It all came back to me and I sank back into the bed again, lowering my eyes to the sheets.
“Right.” I replied. “How’d I do?”
“The doctor said he was going to be right with us.” Jeff said, pointing towards the man standing at the nurses station reviewing some sheets. “We should be able to get you home soon.”
…
Home. it would be a couple of days until we were actually able to go home. For now we were staying in a house mom had rented in Birmingham until I was okay to fly. It didn’t matter though. The first step towards getting back in the ring was done. A newly repaired arm with a pretty little scar to show for it. The morphine had started to wear off and the pain had become more prominent but I needed that to fuel the fire in me. I had to keep that burning all the way until I got my belt around my waist.
Yet still, no matter how bad my arm hurt, my heart hurt more. I looked around the room filled with friends and family and it still felt empty. The one person that should’ve been there was the person that did this to me.
My eyes met with Holly and she gave me a soft smile. Seth had her smile. The way her eyes crinkled. The way the corners of her curled and created two dimples. I’d never noticed how similar they were until the sight of him started to hurt.
My eyes became glazed and I stood, everyone stood as well to help me but I shook my head.
“I’m fine, I’m fine. I just need the bathroom. I’ll be damned if I have to get help with that too.” I joked.
They laughed and I waved them off to head towards the bathroom. Leaning against the door, I let the smile fall from my lips and let myself express some type of emotion. It was an amazing distraction having everyone here, but I still found myself thinking about the turn my life had just taken. Anytime one of them saw me feel sad they’d make a big display to get my mind off of it. I was grateful, but it was exhausting. Sometimes a person just needed time to feel.
I’d gone through a whirlwind of shit in the last month and I hadn’t had time to just sit and figure out what I was actually feeling inside. I just needed a goddamn minute to find out how I could hold so much love and hate and misery inside of me all at the same time.
I rested my hand against the counter, lowering my head to take a deep breath before looking into the mirror. I could barely recognize the person I saw. Between the stress-lines, the dark circles and the unkempt two-tone hair – I was merely a shadow of myself.
A knock on the door broke me out of my trance and I ran the faucet to make it seem like I was washing my hand before opening it.
“Hey,” I opened the door to see Holly. “I didn’t know there was a line.”
She smiled, shaking her head. “There wasn’t, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine.” I smiled, nodding my head enthusiastically.
She saw right through me and walked inside, shutting the door behind her. “He’s been calling y’know. All day. He hasn’t stopped.”
I lifted my eyes to meet hers but I didn’t have anything to say. I mean, what was there to say? Thanks for the after thought? So what if he called? He’s the one that did this.
“How are you doing, honey?” She asked, changing the subject.
“About as good as I’m going to get for a little while. It’s going to be a hell of an adjustment not being on the road. Not training in the ring for a while. Constant rehab.” I paused for a moment, lowering my head.
It was going to be an adjustment going to sleep alone. Not seeing his name pop up on my phone. Not singing with him to stupid songs on road trips. Not going for runs on Thursday mornings with Kevin. It was all an adjustment.