When Leila woke up, Jax wasn’t lying beside her. His side of the bed was practically untouched. She made her way around the house but there was still no sign of him. Did he not come home last night? He always came home. She had been so tired, she hadn’t even noticed him missing. Knowing they’d been shot at last night, worry quickly washed over her and when he didn’t answer her phone calls, she called Gemma.

“Hey, Gem.”

 

“Hi, honey. What’s going on?”

 

“Gem, is Jax with you?”

 

It was silent for a moment before she answered again. “No, why?”

 

“He never came home last night.”

 

“He’s not at the clubhouse either.”

 

“Do you – do you think he’s in any trouble?”
There was another moment of silence on the phone.

 

“Why don’t you make you’re way over here, sweetie. We’ll figure this out.”
After getting dressed and ready, she made her way to the clubhouse. His bike was nowhere in sight even though all of the rest were. She walked inside where everyone was talking by the bar with Juice sitting on a stool typing away on the computer.

 

Gemma stood from the table, pulling her in for a hug before placing her hands on Leila’s arms and meeting her eye to eye.

 

“Are you sure he didn’t come home last night?” She questioned.

 

“He didn’t.” Leila shook her head, placing her bag on the counter and crossing her arms. “When did he leave here?”

 

“About an hour or so after you.” Juice answered.
“Do you think the Mayans would have gotten to him?” Bobby questioned and the women’s heads shot up in panic.

 

 

“Jax can take care of himself.” Tig nodded. “Don’t worry.”

 

“I can’t just sit here. I have to go find him.” Gemma added. “I’ll check his house.”
“I’ll go to the hospital, see if he’s there.” Opie offered.

 

“I’ll go with him.” Piney stood.

 

 

The doors opened and Jax walked through catching everyone’s attention.

 

“Jesus christ. You scared the shit out of us.” Gemma yelled at him. “Where you been?”

 

As if a weight lifted off her, Leila ran up to him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. His arms slipping around her holding her body against his.

 

“Thank god you’re alright!”

 

She whispered into his neck before she felt a wetness on her sleeves.

 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered back. “I got caught up.”

 

“Jax, the garage is still locked, the medical bag is in my trunk.”

 

Tara said mindlessly as she walked inside before stopping mid-step when she noticed everyone staring at her.

 

Leila took a step back to notice his wet hair and the same clothes he’d had on last night then looked over at Tara who stood a few feet behind him. There was the reason he didn’t come home.

 

“You been with her?” Gemma asked. “This whole time?”

 

“You had all of us ready to go lookin’ for you.” Tig growled.

 

As everyone started to speak up and question him, she stayed silent. Her eyes locked on his. The guilt behind them couldn’t have been more clear. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what had happened. Everyone here knew it. After everything he promised her. After all those times he’d reassured her that she meant nothing to him. He’d even had the audacity of bringing her here.

 

“I know.” He lowered his head, shoving his hands in his pockets..

 

“That’s it?! You know? Clay almost gets killed and you think it’s a good time to get laid?” Gemma yelled out again.

 

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Opie stepped forward.

 

He looked behind him at Tara before facing back to Opie. “She’s here to take a look at Cameron. Make sure he ain’t got an infection.”

 

“We don’t need her fucking help.” Tig spat from behind them.

 

“I told you.” Gemma focused in on Tara. “I told you to stay away from him.”.
“Mom!” He raised his voice, stopping Gemma from walking towards her. “Leave her alone.”

 

It was hard to comprehend what was going on. Everyone was yelling, things were moving, but everything seemed to be going in slow motion. She couldn’t move, paralyzed by the shock and engulfed in an unfamiliar pain. This hurt was deeper than anything she’d ever endured from her father. A hand on her shoulder offered a small distraction and she lifted her head to see Chibs behind her, pity in his eyes.

 

Leila had connected to a part of Jax that others had never felt. She saw a part of his soul he never wanted to let out of the bag. Felt the primal way his body reacted to her touch. In those moments he was more real than the blood in her own veins, and she felt him like the beating of her own heart, now she could feel it breaking. It felt as if her blood had become tar as it struggled to keep a steady beat. Her head filling with half-formed regrets as nausea swirled relentlessly in her empty stomach.

 

“Leila.” Jax finally acknowledged her.
The pained expression written across his face switched up the game. All of her pain turned to anger. He looked at her like he was the one that had been stabbed in the heart. Like he was the one that had just been cheated on and had it thrown in his face. She snapped out of her daze, walking to the counter to grab her bag before trying to walk past him.

 

“Lei, hear me out.”

 

Jax reach out and grabbed her hand, the touch set her skin on fire and she instantly pulled it away, reeling back to slap him with her free hand. The whole room fell silent.  She’d never hit anyone before. The contact with his cheek created a burning sensation on her palm. Her eyes, blurred from unshed tears, took in the sight of his reddened cheek, a spot of blood formed from a split caused by her ring.

 

 

“You stupid piece of shit.”  She seethed in a harsh whisper, taking a moment to look back at Tara before looking Jax up and down. “You disgust me.”

 

 

She turned around and walked out of the doors, shoving past Tara on the way. There was no way she’d let a single tear fall on this lot. He didn’t get that satisfaction.

 

---

 

 

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, brother.” Bobby huffed from the side.

 

Jax had never seen Leila as upset as she had just been. The stinging of his cheek only a mere indication of the hurt she would be feeling. Leila was a gentle soul, never mean or violent with anyone. He’d ruined her. The way she looked at him. The venom behind her words. He could see something had broken inside and it was all his fault. He would rather be shot a thousand times than ever see her like that.

 

Ignoring everyone, he turned to go after her but Tig grabbed his arm, yanking him back to them.

 

“How could you?.” Gemma asked, dumbfounded yet angry.

 

“Damn, brother. After everything that girl’s done for you.” Juice shook his head in disappointment.

 

“For us.” Piney added.

 

“It wasn’t his fault.” Tara tried to speak up but Gemma stepped forward again, causing the younger woman to step back.

 

“You selfish little bitch. You couldn’t leave well enough alone could you? You saw how happy they fucking were. You just couldn’t stand the thought of him not chasing after your tail anymore.” She said in a deadly tone.

 

Tara’s jaw dropped, clearly insulted.

 

“Mom!” He yelled again.

 

“You should leave.” Opie nodded his head aggressively towards the door.

 

“She was here to help -” Jax said as Tara walked out but it was no use. Nobody cared what he had to say.

 

“What happens now? What if she doesn’t hold up her end of the deal?” Clay stated. It a pretty rhetorical question, more to let Jax know there was more at stake than his love life.

 

They were mad. It was pretty clear. This wasn’t exactly the way he’d planned any of this. Leila was never here without him and he’d only had good intentions with bringing Tara. Other than getting her out of the house, he really did want her to check on the irishman still sedated in the dorms.

 

Tara. She should’ve been the last thing on his mind. She should’ve never crossed it to begin with. How could he let go of the life he was building with Leila for the chaos that came with Tara? First thing he should’ve done was gone home to grovel with Lei, instead he ignored her phone calls and hid a body for his ex. There was just something about seeing Tara as vulnerable as she was last night that made his instincts come out. All he wanted to do was protect her and when she kissed him, he couldn’t deny her. What the fuck was wrong with him.

 

“Gem, get her on the phone when you can. We need to discuss how we’re going to proceed with this.” Clay directed.
“Doubt she’ll answer the phone for this shithead.” Tig said, downing the whiskey he’d left on the bar.

 

“You fucked up the best thing that ever happened to you, brother.” Opie said quietly before the club members dispersed.

 

Gemma looked at her son, sheer disappointment written all across her face. It usually held weight with him. He felt like a kid in trouble whenever Gemma was upset with him but after seeing the way Leila looked at him – Gemma’s couldn’t hold comparison.

 

The look was embedded in his mind as he walked back to his dorm. The hurt behind it. Her luminous eyes had sparkled like storm clouds right before lightening hit. The vibrant blue orbs had been a dark shade of grey: full of hate, flooded with tears she was too prideful to let go. Not even her father had gotten that look from her. Even after he’d found her beaten to a pulp, she had a light behind her eyes that had been extinguished the moment Tara came through that door and she put two and two together.

 

What had Tara done?
What had he done?

 

Jax had been an absolute wreck when Tara had left him. She was his first love. His high school sweetheart. He would’ve done anything for her and he almost had, but that was all in the past. Their history was exactly that. In those last 10 years he’d fucked hundreds of woman but there was only one face he saw, Tara’s. It haunted him wherever he was, whoever he was with. Then all of that changed when Leila came along. She was like a breath of fresh air. A ball of energy radiating kindness and love despite the turmoil within her own family. She’d accepted him, his son, his club and all the rest of his flaws. How could he have been pulled away?

 

He had to talk to her. Had to try and explain himself. She had every right to hate him but he would do anything to make this right. To make it better. He owed her that. He owed her everything.

 

“Leila. Please pick up.”

 

He said in his fifth voice mail. Hours had gone by and he still couldn’t give up. It was out of character for him to be chasing after a women but Leila was worth everything to him. He would’ve given her the world years ago. Tara may have been his high school sweetheart but Leila had been his lifelong dream girl and he wasn’t ready to give her up yet.

 

Tara called him shortly after. She wanted to see him at the hospital. He had to go. He had no idea what last night meant to either of them, but he needed some sort of clarity. Did she want to give this another try or was all of that part of her plan to get rid of Kohn?

 

He found her in Abel’s room and it hit him that he fucked this up for Abel as well. The love Leila felt for Abel, the way he responded to her voice, the way he looked at her, he fucked it all up.

 

“Hey.” Tara said softly, turning his attention back to her.
“How’s he doing?”

 

“Good.” She answered as she stared down at the baby. “Strong-willed little guy.” She nodded as she back away from the crib, pumping some hand sanitizer onto her palms and rubbed it in.

 

“Thought you were going to take a personal day?”

 

“I tried to. I went back home after the clubhouse, but I couldn’t stay there. It’s a light day here anyway.”

 

He nodded as she backed away to lean against the door frame.

 

“You okay?” He asked as he watched her shaking her head.

 

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “What – what’d you do with him?”

 

Jax inhaled deeply, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked over to her. “It’s done.”

 

“What did we do?” She asked. He could see her chest rising and falling quickly in fear.

 

He leaned his head back against the wall, running his hands over his face. It was a question couldn’t stop asking, but he still had no answer.

 

“When Kohn showed up in Charming, he knew this could only end up one of two ways… either him dead or you dead. It ended the right way.”

 

“Maybe I came back here knowing the same thing.” She whispered, hanging her head. “This – this was the only place I felt safe.”

 

“It was survival.” He found himself trying to comfort her again. “You did what you had to do.”

 

“Is that how this works? You make up your own moral code for everything?”

 

He felt anger and regret rush through him again as he looked at her. “I’ve never killed anyone like this before, Tara. I don’t know what the code is.”

 

“I’m sorry.” She shook her head, sensing the hostility.

 

“For as long as I can remember, I wake up every day with this sick feeling, wondering who’s going to die today. This life: it scares the shit out of me. Leila, she took that fear away. She made me see things clearly. Tried to keep me from carelessly hurting other people. Made me feel like I was still human. Like I still had some good in me.. I woke up this morning, and I knew all of that was gone. I think that scares me more.”

 

“Hey.” She stepped closer. “It’s okay, you’re in shock.”

 

He turned his head, looking away from her. “I don’t think anything can shock me anymore.”

 

“What can I do? How can I help you?”

 

Jax sighed, stepping away from her. “You can’t.”

 

Arriving back at the clubhouse, he noticed everyone gathered around the TV. Leila was on, standing behind Heaton as usual. Her eyes were bright but they seemed empty. Void of all feeling and emotion. A small smile across her lips for the cameras. She had her business face on. One she’d perfected over the years. One she used to shield her personal life from her professional one. She’d pulled herself together really well. She always did. It was strange in a way, after what he’d put her through that she could put all of that aside for the sake of the camera.

 

“Now you say the Motorcycle gang isn’t a safety concern anymore, what do you have to say about Jackson Teller attacking a Federal Agent in the middle of main street?” One of the reporters asked. Heaton opened his mouth to speak but then smiled, stepping aside to let Leila come up to the mic.

 

Everyone in the room held their breath. She could say anything. She was hurt. She was angry. Instead, she surprised all of them. With a gleaming smile, she took her place in front of the microphone, the room went silent awaiting her response. She made eye contact with the crowd before looking directly into the camera.

 

“After careful review of the events, we’ve come to find that the agent in question was supposed to be on vacation, as marked on his timesheets. Instead, he came to Charming, against all orders, to launch his own investigation on the Sons of Anarchy on a personal vendetta. He saw Mr. Teller at the barber shop and in a fit of rage, attacked him with scissors. Mr. Teller in self defense, fought back.”

 

Mr. Teller. Ouch.

 

“Ms. Heaton, are you sure you’re not defending them because of your romantic relationship with Mr. Teller?”

 

Her features hardened momentarily as she lowered her gaze to stare at the mic. If you blinked you would’ve missed it because in an instant she was back to smiling.

 

“I assure you that is not the case. My priority, as well as my father’s, is the safety of our community. Personal feelings play no factor in our decision making.”

 

He couldn’t rip his eyes from the screen. She looked completely different from the person he’d seen that morning. There was authority and strength coming from her this time. God he missed her. No one could compete with the way she carried herself. Not even Gemma who had the respect of some of the most dangerous men in their world.

 

“The agent went rouge. This matter will be handled internally.” Heaton said as he came back to the mic.

 

“Well that went well.” Juice broke the silence in the room.

 

“For now.” Clay mumbled.

 

The doors to the clubhouse opened and a couple of men came in carrying boxes, followed by Charlotte. She had a look of pity mixed with anger in her eyes as they met with Jax. He stood immediately as the men put the boxes down on tables.

 

“What’s going on?” He asked the small brunette.

 

“Ms. Heaton wanted me to return your things. All of it’s accounted for.”

 

His stomach sank as he looked down at her. He knew her feelings on the importance of honesty. He knew her stance on cheating. He’d been warned that there were no second chances. Gemma came behind him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

“She’s requesting her keys back.”

 

Was this really it? They were over? Just like that? No chance to explain – no chance to apologize?

 

What the fuck had he done?