She hung up the phone, sighing loudly before walking to the garage to grab Randy, one of the older employees at Beckett Auto. Randy knew the ins and outs of this place, and was usually placed in charge when Andy or herself were out. He was a family man, one of Andy’s oldest and dearest friends. She explained what had to be done while she was out before grabbing her bag and leaving the lot.
A short while later, she was pulling into Jax’s driveway. His car was there, just as she suspected. Getting out of her car, she made her way to the front door to see that it was unlocked. The man had a paranoia for safety, leaving the front door open wasn’t something he would do, but how much did she really know about him?
“Jax?”
Aubrey called out as she entered, going through the rooms. Each room had bottles of beer scattered everywhere. Andy hadn’t been there to help him yesterday so all of this must have been his. All she could do was follow the trail of bottles, leading her to the kitchen. And there he was. Passed out against the kitchen cabinets.
Any anger she was holding quickly transitioned into pity. As she took steps closer to him, she could see streaks of dried tears on his cheeks. Biting her lip nervously, she kneeled over beside of him. Her fingertips brushing against his cheek softly before reaching his shoulder, to give him a gentle shake.
“Jesus Christ.”
Aubrey mumbled under her breath. He reeked of alcohol. She knew he had a problem and he’d lied straight to her face. Flashbacks of Andy laying on their kitchen floor, in a similar fashion hit her instantly. No wonder he was so quick to defend Jax. Placing her hands on his broad shoulders, she shook him a little more firmly, finally seeing a hint of movement from him. His eyes fluttered open slowly. They were bloodshot and red from the previous night’s binge. Looking deep into them, she could see the excruciating sadness he held inside.
“What’s going on with you, Jax?”
She finally asked after giving him a moment to regain consciousness. Her tone was softer than she’d anticipated. Deep down, she did have a soft spot for him, although she couldn’t say why. Maybe it was because he reminded her so much of her father during his hard time, or maybe it was because he was a mystery to her. Someone she couldn’t quite place her finger on. He held so much pain and sadness from a past life he’d never mention.
His eyes followed her movements as she sat down on the floor beside him, her fingertips combing his hair back out of his face. She saw hints of tears again as his eyes focused on a spot on the floor. He leaned his head on her shoulder and though she was taken aback by the contact, he placed her arm around his neck and rubbed his arm slowly to give him a moment.
“Jax.” She whispered again. “What happened to you?”
What hadn’t happened to him? What was becoming of him? He had tried desperately to hide all of his pain but he couldn’t. He’d failed as a man, as a husband, as a father, and now even as a simple employee. Aubrey was the last person he wanted to show up here, to see him like this. Yet her soft touch and her soothing voice was gladly accepted.
He knew she’d expect answers but he didn’t care at the moment. All he could do was stare at the tile next to the kitchen sink. With every blink, he could see Tara’s lifeless body laying there. Even with his eyes open he could still see the stain left behind from her pool of blood. He was losing his mind. The closer he got to people here, the more guilty he felt about everything. Tara would’ve loved this town and everyone in it. She had begged him time and time again to move to an area like this. Talked about her dreams of the boys going to a good school and them growing old together. And what did she get? Slaughtered with a meat fork in her own kitchen and here he was buying a new home and a new life. None of this was fair. If he could – he would switch places with her in a heartbeat.
Goddamn Gemma. How could she do this to Tara. To his boys. To his life. What kind of mother wouldn’t want her son to have a life like the one he was building here. This was safe. This was consistent, and normal, and non-violent. No, Gemma wouldn’t have any of that and she used everything in her power to manipulate him over the years to thinking that life in the MC was greater than being an ordinary Joe. She’d say “You’re going to die anyway, wouldn’t you want to live a life worth remembering.” Now the wrong person died and he was left to remember the horrors of that life.
“Jax.”
She spoke quietly again. He realized he’d still been laying on her shoulder and she hadn’t let up stroking his hair. She didn’t have to do this. If she knew the man he really was, she wouldn’t even be here. He’d never be able to face the people that were already considering him as family again. His tearful eyes met hers, crinkled on the edges as they narrowed at him full of concern. He shook his head and closed his eyes, squeezing them tightly in hopes of waking up from a nightmare but to no.
“I’m fine Aub. I’m alright. ”
“I need you to tell me what’s going on, darlin’. This,” She motioned to him still sitting on the kitchen floor. “This right here is far from alright.”
“You don’t get it do you.” He sat up a little straighter. “I can’t tell you anything. I can’t.”
He couldn’t. He wasn’t going to lose another family to the monster that he was. That he had become. He stood up and walked towards the bathroom only to have her follow close behind. With his head still pounding, he opened the bathroom drawer to grab some aspirin before scarfing them down. He could see her leaning against the threshold, arms folded across her chest as she watched him. He couldn’t deal with this. Not now.
“Why?” She pressed on. Why can’t you tell me?”
“Look Aubrey. I appreciate your concern, but save it for someone who needs it ’cause it ain’t me. My problems are mine alone.
“Jackson Teller. From the moment you came to this town, you’ve captured the hearts of everyone that you’ve come in contact with. Everyone in this town is concerned about you. Everyone cares. I had Norma calling the shop this morning, worried out of her wits that you hadn’t come home last night. Damn near called the sheriff’s office to look for you. Jerry was up all night. Now if you tell me you’re in this alone then you’re a lot dumber than I thought you were.”
Jax listened closely but all he could do was lower his head. He couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eyes. He didn’t want to believe any of it. How could he? He was a stranger to everyone. Nobody knew him. The real him and they damn sure wouldn’t feel like that if they did.
“Jesus christ” He muttered as his hands shot up to his hair, smoothing it back out of his face. “Can we not do this now? My head is pounding and all I want is to take a shower.”
“No. No we have to do this now. Who are you Jax? Why can’t anyone get to know the real you?”
“Because I’m a monster!” He snapped. “If everyone saw me for me, knew what I’ve done – none of you would feel the way you say you do.”
Aubrey jumped back at the sound of his voice. She’d never heard him shout before. He’d never cared enough. Even when they bickered and she got him mad – he just let things go, but what had he done? “Look, I’m sure you want to believe that, when Andy’s wife left him – he was the same way. He kept telling himself he couldn’t be loved if his one true love had left him but that’s not the case Jackson.”
“My wife never left me Aubrey. She was murdered by my mother.”
The words escaped his mouth and his eyes widened immediately after noticing the mistake. Shit. Shit. Shit. How could he let that slip? How did she do that?! This is the bullshit she did that Andy had talked about. She was in his head. NO! This was NOT supposed to happen. He looked at her and she was still. Her eyes ranging in emotion from confusion to realization to pity all in a matter of seconds. He didn’t need pity. He needed to be left alone.
“Jax..” She began but he wasn’t having it.
“Is that what you wanted to know?! My own mother! My mother killed the love of my life. The mother of my boys!”
He sank down to the floor and he could feel all those emotions pouring out of him. The ones from deep down in his gut that he only unleashed at night in the comfort of his solitary with a bottle of Jack in his hand. Now there was no stopping them. But he had to. He couldn’t do this yet he couldn’t stop. He covered his face with his hands as he sobbed on his knees in the middle of his bathroom floor only to feel the warmth and comfort of her arms wrapping around him. He didn’t know what to do about any of this – how it would all change, but right now – right this minute, he needed her. He wrapped his arms around her narrow waist and dug his face into her shoulder. Tears falling from his eyes soon soaking the thin cloth separating their skin.
Dead wife. Homicidal mother. Boys? Jesus Christ. As she held the broken man against her all she wanted to do was take his pain away. This man, as strange as his story was, had a good heart and soul. The pain he felt wasn’t one anyone deserved. She let him cry a while longer, not sure what to really say but there was more to it. She could only imagine the anguish he was feeling.
“Jax, why don’t you take a shower. I’ll make you some food alright? Everything’s alright sweetheart.”
She helped him up as best she could and watched as he pulled off his shirt while she got the water ready. As she was about to walk out her eyes caught sight of the shattered man once again. His shoulders hung low. His eyes bloodshot and swollen. This was a can of worms she had never expected to get into but now she just wanted to get to the bottom of things. All this new information just brought up more questions. Why did his mother kill his wife? Where were his kids? Why was he 3,000 miles away from them? There would be time for that later. Now all she wanted to do was get him sobered up and fed. Once he pulled himself together she would get to the bottom of all this. Andy really should get in the habit of doing background checks on his employees but then again, Jax was the only outsider in years.
After opening the fridge to find nothing but bottles of beer, she called one of the pizza shops in town for delivery and decided to clean what she could on the meantime. There was no place to even at anything down at this point. Hell in just two days the place had only started to look worse but then again, she had already figured that this was more therapeutic than an actual project.
“Shit. Norma’s probably still worried sick.”
She mumbled to herself before reaching for her phone. Norma had really taken a liking to Jax. Treated him like he was his own son. Sure she was always the motherly type but Norma had a soft spot for him. What was more surprising was that Jerry did to. Jerry didn’t like anyone very much. Other than his wife, Jerry kept his interactions with others very minimal. That left one extra question. Does she tell them that he was a drunken mess on the ground? Probably not. This was something she could handle on her own. There was no need to worry anyone else.
“Hey Norma, it’s Aubrey.”
“Aubrey? Have you found him? Is he alright?!”
“He’s fine Norma. He was just up late working on the house. I found him asleep when I got here.”
“Oh thank god! Is he good for food? I can’t imagine he’s had much to eat over there.”
She smiled hearing the concern in the frail voice coming through the phone. “I ordered us some pizza. He’s fine. No need to worry.”
“Well alright dear. Tell him not to be late tonight. He needs some rest.”
“Will do! Take care.”
“Who was that?”
His voice startled her as she hung up the phone and turned around. She was about to speak but her words quickly for caught in her throat when she saw him in just boxers. This was the third time in two days she’d seen him shirtless and each time caught her by surprise. Lowering her eyes, she cleared her throat before putting hey phone in her back pocket.
“I called Norma to let her know you were okay. Pizza is on the way, why don’t you, uh, go put on some clothes.”
He hung his head and nodded before walking back towards the bathroom to change. He took a little while. She assumed he was just trying to stall the inevitable conversation but it would have to happen sooner or later.
Once the pizza arrived, she took the box of to the back deck and sat on the stairs where he would soon find her, coming out with two beers in hand. She let him sit for a moment, wondering if she should take the bottle away but decided against it for the moment and let him take a bite of a slice.
“So,” she finally spoke up. “Start from the beginning.”